I have been having a running dialogue with a buddy of mine on another blog site. I've been sending him all the "Texanisms" I can come up with concerning folks of a certain ilk. (Excuse me for a moment while I go off on a tagent... Don't you just love that word ilk? If you've been paying attention - otherwise known as 'hanging on my every word', you'll have noticed that I've become fond of using that word lately. It's a great word. Become friends with it. Buddy up to it. You'll be glad you did. But I digress.)

Now back to the subject at hand:"Texanisms" describing folk of a certain ilk. I've sent my friend jewels like these:

• He's three bricks short of a load.
• Her bread's not baked in the middle.
• He's about a half-bubble off plumb.

And the one that started it all:

• His cheese done slipped off the cracker.

You'll surely be happy to know that after extensive research - and when I say "extensive research, I mean I stumbled upon a book called Redneck Words of Wisdom in a gift store in Austin yesterday, for which I paid the paltry sum of $12.95 + tax - I have discovered additional colloquialisms to impart to y'all.

Now, I know there may be those of you out there in other Southern states who would like to lay claim to some of these colorful sayings. But, to you I say, NAY. What I am about to relate to you will be known as "Texanisms." Here are my reasons, which I am sure you will find to be of great merit.

1. This is my blog.
2. I bought the book.
3. Because I said so.

Any questions? No? I didn't think so. Let's proceed, shall we?

In the "Folks of a Certain Ilk" category:

• She's a taco short of a combination plate.
• He's a few fries short of a Happy Meal.
• She's a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

Now, for my own personal favorites. These are all straight from my grandparents' mouths, so they aren't just Texanisms, they're Panhandle Texanisms!

• You'd better shut your mouth or I'll slap you into the middle of next week.
• She'll talk your head off and then holler own the hole.
• Don't make me whup you like a red-headed stepchild.
• You lie like a cheap rug.
• Don't let your alligator mouth get ahead of your hummingbird ass.
• I guess she told you how the cow ate the cabbage!

Well, that was fun. Now, I think I'll make like a baby and head out.