Reflections

The past two years have been challenging ones for me and my family. There were times when I wanted to do the ostrich routine and just stick my head in the sand, let time and circumstance pass me by. But I've never been one to take the path of least resistance. Quite the contrary, I've always rushed headlong into the fray. If there was a fight to be fought, a cause to be championed, a wrong to be righted, I was there to lead the way. Here she comes to save the day!!
As this chapter in my life seems to be coming to a close, I have found myself in a reflective mood. I've learned many things in these two years, made any number of mistakes, bitten off more than I could chew several times, and finally, managed to muddle through to the other side of an experience that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I won't say that I have seen that much-ballyhooed light at the end of the tunnel, but there does seem to be the glimmer of something resembling dawn on the horizon. In light of that (pun intended), here are some of the things I have learned:

I've learned that it really is darkest before the dawn. And that dawn can be a long time coming. In fact, dawn can be so slow in arriving, that you can forget what dawn even feels like or looks like. There can be so many levels of "darkness", each one heralding an ever deepening shade of midnight, that you start to believe that darkness is all there is. But there is always a dawn. Always. So no matter what happens, know that dawn is coming. Wait for it.
I've learned that, contrary to what I've always believed, I'm really not the Keeper of the Universe. Thank goodness - what a load off my mind.
I've learned that bad things do happen to good people. And that it's not always possible to fix it. What is possible is helping each other up off the ground, and then learning - together - to put one foot in front of the other and keep walking. Eventually you will walk far enough away from that bad thing that it will no longer be the biggest thing in your life. It will actually start to recede and even become just a bad memory.
I've learned that sometimes the worst that could happen, does happen. When it does, there is still life left to live after that. But you have to choose to live it.
I've learned that Let go and let God isn't just a time-honored cliche'. It's really good advice. Some things just have to be let go. After that, it's not your problem anymore, it's His. He's better equipped to handle it anyway.
I've learned that there are times when I've done all I could do and I need to quit searching for the next step. There isn't one. I really have done all that I can do. The rest is up to God and anything else I do just gets in His way.
I've learned that I don't know everything. As a matter of fact, I've now discovered that although I do know a lot, the scales are tipped in favor of the things I don't know. So the quest for knowledge goes on...and on. That's a good thing.
I've learned that I can lean on others and it's not a weakness. It's a strength. Wish I had learned this one a long time ago.
I've learned that although there are a lot - A LOT - of bad things in life, there are just as many good things and, dare I say it, maybe even more good things than bad and I need to start looking for them.
I've learned that the conventional wisdom that tells us to spend more time with family, laugh more, stop and smell the roses, appreciate the little things in life, really is wisdom in its purest form.
I've learned that my grandson's smile is my complete undoing. And the sound of my granddaughter's laughter is the best cure for whatever ails me.
I've learned that watching my children build successful lives of their own is more reward than I ever could have wished for.
I've learned that a good man is indeed hard to find. And that I need to hang on to him.
I've learned that old friends really are the best friends. They're time-tested.
I've learned that my sister is my hero.
I've learned that my brother is one of the bravest people I've ever known. And that he's my other hero.
I've learned that I don't have to be the best, the brightest, the smartest, the most anything. I just have to be me. Even though I still have a hard time believing that's enough at times.
I've learned that it's easier to wrap your trials around you like a blanket than it is to throw them off and set your face to the sun. Yet again, conventional wisdom holds true. Easier usually isn't better.
I'm thankful for the life lessons these past months have taught me. More thankful still that the anger and bitterness that threatened to overwhelm me have instead been replaced by a gentle wisdom that is even now reshaping my too trite, too smug approach to this life. There are lessons yet to be gleaned, knowledge yet to be absorbed. This I know. And I wait.